Koko is oblivious to how terrible her show is.

Where do I even start? The premise of this show, being some sort of Cage-ian Lord of War starring a moe main character and with more gunplay, has not exactly lived up to expectations. While in this episode there is shooting a-plenty, it is not the good kind of shooting. Why? I’ll show you why.

PLOT (what there is of it)

This show would make more sense if it was about lesbians.

I’ll say this now: I have no idea what this show is trying to accomplish. While this episode is presumably about…someone hiring two slightly deranged assassins to take out Koko for…some reason or another, the execution is rather bizarre. Why are there only two hitmen? Why are they incapable of achieving their objectives?

I don't see no fucking city.

Anyway, the two would-be hitmen (one’s a girl, but we’re going the gender-biased route for the purposes of this review) start off in the Middle East, having taken care of some mobster boss, presumably by boring him to death. After a catchy song about…Borderlands (?), we skip to a scene with Koko and lackey #4 attempting to teach Jonah basic arithmetic, because apparently the kid’s some sort of retard when it comes to math. Koko also takes the time to make some completely baseless assumptions about the city’s police force.

Wait, then why haven't they arrested you?

Koko soon becomes bored, and goes on a “date” with Valmet. Where they are soon ambushed by the aforementioned hitmen duo, and Jonah loses his virginity…

Kyaaa be gentle it's my first time~

…and Koko does her best Simba impression.

Don't sue me, Disney.

The rest of the episode is spent with great law enforcement police dying by the truckload, Valmet taking a flesh wound, and lots of talking and shooting (but mostly missing).

THOUGHTS AND ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ironically, it also describes this show.

Why my unadulterated hatred love for this show? Well, for the inconsistencies, if anything else. I brought up Michael Bay in the title of this post because with him, you know what you’re getting into and you know what you’re going to get: tits, explosions, shitty dialogue, typical summer popcorn blockbuster flick. While it’s not exactly good, you are satisfied when you walk out of the theater because you’ve received exactly what you walked in expecting.

Be ready for some sharp criticism. Wait, music metaphor...The Hand That Feeds? I got nothin'.

With Jormungand, you get episodes like the last one where you get lots of running animation and Koko outsmarting everyone. Then you get episodes like this one, where the comical bad guys shoot lots of boolets and hit everybody except the main characters. Is it supposed to be philosophical, about the duality of human nature? About the reality of the arms trade? About economics? Gunplay? Gratuitous lesbianism? Nobody is really sure. Likewise, the quality of this show waffles from serviceable to downright atrocious.

In the episode, the woman was running backwards and looked as if she was somehow crippled.

Plus you get some inconsistencies with the action scenes that are just plain bothersome:

1. Two cops carrying riot shields advance on the hitmen. Hitman 1 shoots both cops effortlessly with a pistol. Later on, the main characters are shown using the same riot shields as cover from AK-47 fire.

2. Jonah runs towards Hitman 1, while the latter shoots at him with an AK-47. The hitman misses. Two snipers on a roof several hundred feet away are shot at by Hitman 1. They die.

3. A truck carrying a .50 cal machine gun in the back is somehow missed by the city’s police force.

4. Hitgirl brings with her a 40mm grenade launcher. She uses it to dispose of a police sedan. She does NOT use it to dispose of her actual target, Koko.

5. Hitgirl professes to not wear panties, but we do not get one crotchshot of her, despite this being a Japanese animation.

I guess the creators...let Kanye into their zone?

I guess if anything, I’m more disappointed in White Fox failing me with this adaptation, after the success of Katanagatari and Steins;Gate. While the source material for Jormungand certainly had its share of problems, I was hoping that a decent studio might find ways to improve on its faults. But apparently I was much too optimistic.

Hitman 1 obviously belongs in a different show, like Sakamichi no Apollon.

Thank the heavens the next show I’m writing about is Hyouka…